Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Porn and Relationships

How women see porn

There has always been a difference between men and women where porn is concerned.
Men tend to be turned on by things they can see, while women seem to prefer the images and fantasies they have in their heads.

For this reason, women often don't enjoy the sort of porn that men usually like. If the people on the screen don't appeal to them, they don't get turned on.
Women can also feel uneasy and inferior about the bodily 'perfection' of the women in porn. This can put them off sex, rather than turn them on to it.
A woman can feel threatened by her man's enjoyment of these images and quickly feel that if a man is enthusiastic about porn, he must be losing interest in her. This is often not the case at all.
Whether women like it or not, because porn is so available, a lot of men are going to view it.

How men see porn

Statistics indicate that many men like porn of some sort or another. Their arousal is linked to images, and from their teens they are likely to masturbate while looking at pictures of female bodies.
Lots of men use porn for quick masturbation – and this can happen even if they are in a sexually satisfying relationship. Some women have a problem with a man seeking solo relief, but huge numbers of normally-sexed men do this routinely.
Men will often say that porn-assisted masturbation is intense, uncomplicated – and relaxing.
They also put it in a separate compartment: porn is just an 'extra' that has no impact on their feelings for their partner or relationship.
Men in general do not view porn or solo sex as a sign of infidelity.

Can porn be part of a normal relationship?

Our answer to that question would be a qualified 'yes'.
There is no doubt that many couples experiment with the use of porn as an aid to perking up their sex lives, for example by sometimes watching an explicit DVD together. And sex education videos are often arousing as well as informative.
Also, a lot of women like erotic stories. Some females prefer to read alone to get themselves turned on. Others like their man to read to them in bed.
So for some couples, using pornography and erotica works well.

Are relationship problems because of porn common?

We would say that a problem with porn is almost exclusively a male thing.
In our practice we have never seen a woman who was addicted to porn or who preferred it to having sex with a partner.
But we have received a lot of complaints from women who are distressed that their male partners no longer want to make love to them, preferring to spend hours wanking in front of porn.
This is a worrying trend, and we are not alone in our concerns. Various experts fromRelate and the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapy (COSRT), formerly the British Association of Sexual and Relationship Therapy, have reported that solitary use of porn is a huge factor in relationship breakdown and that it is 'spiralling out of control'.

What to do if porn is a problem

It is a good idea if couples discuss their attitude to porn early on in their relationship and agree some house rules about how much porn is viewed and of what type. People often find this difficult, but communication is generally the key to keeping the habit within normal bounds.
If it is discussed before it becomes a huge problem, then the conversation can be calm and a woman can explain what works for her and what she might object to.
Such a conversation could also include the sexual relationship in general and could include the question of whether either party would like more variety – and if so, what.
Sometimes, women may know their man uses porn to masturbate, but they will decide not to broach the subject. This is understandable, but if you avoid discussing it until it becomes a problem, talking may no longer be effective.
A man who is addicted to porn may promise to change and to stop viewing internet images, but he probably won't.
He may assure his partner that he loves her, but he won't stop accessing porn. He may even break down and cry and swear that he longs to give up all the porn, but it's unlikely he will manage this without professional help.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

(Q&A) How important is sex in a relationship?

Hey, I've been following your blog for a while now and after reading previous Q&A about when couples should start having sex, I wanted to ask if it's even that important to have sex in a relationship. I'm only 16 so I know I'm young but if I start going out with a guy and refuse to give him sex is it bad?
Anonymous (Washington D.C.)

Okay so look, sex is something you shouldn't be forced into. Only do it when you're ready, not because of peer pressure, it's not a requirement and if a guy leaves you because you won't have sex with him then he probably doesn't deserve you. 
Now that that's out of the way, I would say that sex IS very important. Not just for the act alone, but for the intimacy between your partner. Is it the MOST important? No, because everything - trust, love, commitment, compatibility, emotional fulfillment, are all interconnected and none is more important - they all need to work together. 
Sex/intimacy is how we bond with our partner, share our intimate selves, how we pleasure, express, laugh and play, and enjoy one another. It's a glue, a bond. In a healthy relationship, sex is the icing that adds that extra something to the cake. In an unhealthy relationship can just mask the crumbling cake underneath. 
Now, I think from past experience sudden changes in one's sexual desire...can relate to job stress, emotional stress, problems with the relationship, health issues, cheating, any number of things. And as the other partner, you know your partner best, or have the best capacity to look at other aspects of the relationship and the person to see what may be affecting things. Sex is 90% mental in my opinion, and often when one partner suddenly withdraws it often relates to the emotional fulfillment/connection changing in the relationship.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Top 10 Sex Positions!

Welcome to the most accredited online college for sex. Please take a seat, I will be your instructor. Class, we are about to look at your guidebook for while you're on the bed. Study carefully and remember to make sure you practice!

1) The traditional missionary 
Although the missionary position is widely regarded as the big grey pants of sexual positions, it's still the most popular, and it's easy to see why: it allows for close body contact and eye contact with kissing and talking throughout. There's very little the woman can do to chivvy things along though, so he has to be prepared to do all the work. 
How to do it: You lie on your back with your legs open. He lies over you face-to-face supporting his weight on his forearms. 
Difficulty rating:1/5 

2. Woman on top 
Most men love it when women take charge and this is the perfect position for you to do so. You can still have lots of snogging and body-to-body contact but you get to have control of how fast or slowly things are progressing. This can sometimes prove frustrating for him, but at least he gets a view to compensate! 
How to do it: He lies on his back while you lie over him face-to-face, extending your legs behind you. You can press your legs together or keep them open. 
Difficulty rating: 2/5 

3. The tabletop 
This is a great one to try outside of the bedroom on any relatively flat, thigh-height surface like the dining room table, pool table, your boss's desk (you get the picture). It sounds like you need to be quite supple to get it right but in actual fact it's quite easy. 
How to do it: You lie on the chosen flat surface with your legs above you in the air at 90° or so. He leans against your legs, slipping his head between them but keeping them pretty much together and gets to work! 
Difficulty rating: 2/5 

4. The spoon 
This is an intimate position and is ideal for the incredibly lazy - you don't even need to move to fall asleep happily (afterwards though!). It's also a great position for a bit of neck nuzzling on his part, or for him to whisper sweet nothings or sweeter somethings into your ear. 
How to do it: You lie on your side and he "spoons" around your body from behind. You draw your knees up and open your thighs and he takes you from behind. 
Difficulty rating:2/5 

5. Doggy-style 
This is one of the most common positions for lots of reasons. Firstly, it's said to be one of the easiest ways to find the elusive G-spot (or at least to have fun trying). It's also a position that men really enjoy because it's quite primal. He gets to feel powerful and can see the mechanics of what's going on at the same time. Men love that for some reason. 
How to do it: You kneel on all fours with your legs parted. He kneels up behind you holding onto your hips. 
Difficulty rating: 2/5 

6. The lap dance 
This one requires the use of a regular chair with no arms. It's quite limiting in how much it allows you both to move (and you have to do most of the work), but it's easy to change to another position like doggy style, without too much bother. 
How to do it: He sits on a chair with his legs together. You open your legs and lower yourself backwards onto him as if you're sitting on his lap. If your feet don't touch the floor, wear some stilettos... he'll like them too! 
Difficulty rating: 3/5 

7. The quickie 
This is the perfect position for quickie sex. If you're wearing a skirt, it can be done quite easily without removing any clothing at all. This is the position you always see performed in the movies in a domestic setting - like on the washing machine or kitchen counter! 
How to do it: You sit on a surface that's about the same height as his pelvis. He stands in front of you and you wrap your legs around his back. 
Difficulty rating: 3/5 

8. The rocker 
This position is great for blokes who like bums as he'll get a great view but it's not one for novices. He'll be totally in control with the added bonus that you'll have an element of surprise thrown in - you won't be able to see anything he's doing! 
How to do it: He lies on his back and you lie on your front on top of him facing his feet. Rest on your elbows with your legs straight and slightly apart and grab onto his ankles. 
Difficulty rating:4/5 

9. The L 
This one's a little fiddly to get into properly but the results are worth it for him and you. It can be hard work for you to keep her legs together and you could even get cramp (eek!) but crossing the legs at the ankles can avoid this. 
How to do it: You lie on your side with your legs at a 90° angle, forming an L shape. He kneels up behind you holding onto your hips. Once he's in, squeeze your legs together and away you go! 
Difficulty rating: 4/5 

10. Stand & deliver 
Having sex standing up is demanding but passionate - you have to really be in the mood for it and have a good sense of balance! This position is an easy one to get you started but you'll probably want to switch positions when things get steamy. 
How to do it: He stands with his back to a wall with his knees slightly bent. You lower yourself down onto him supporting yourself on his shoulders. He stands up straight and you pull one leg up which he supports in the crook of his elbow. Phew! 
Difficulty rating: 5/5

Original Source of Article:

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year! Now it's back to College :(

After a wild ride during 2011, we move on to the next year! My new years resolution's are to do good in school, make more amazing music, and spend more time on these blogs!

Let me know what your new years resolutions are by email or commenting!

Whether it's to finally ask that one girl out, get admission into university or college, score a new job or maybe it's just to have a good time. Send me your resolutions and my top 5 favourite one's will be posted on the blog!

Now, I'm going to spend some time with the fam and you guys can do whatever it is you do lol,

Happy New Years!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

What Would You Do (WWYD) - #1: If the condom breaks..

Alright guys, so this is a new thing I wanted to start. Where every week I will post up a different scenario that could happen to anyone in their relationship and I want to know what you would do if you were put in that position. 

Scenario #1:
You and you're girlfriend and have been having sex regularly, one day you notice a slight leakage in the condom but choose to ignore it because you think a few drops of semen couldn't possibly impregnate her. A few weeks later you're girlfriend starts to show signs of pregnancy such as a missed period and vomiting. Upon taking a pregnancy test, you find out she's pregnant. What would you do?

Now, while abortion is an obvious choice to a lot of people because of college/university, careers and other responsibilities they have in their lives. There are just as many people against it because they believe it is immoral as the baby is alive and would want to keep the child. That's why I want to know what you would choose to do and why.

Hey, It's made some people famous!
Let me know your answers either by commenting down below or sending in your emails too:
(subject: WWYD1)

The top 5 answers in my opinion will be posted up on the blog next week!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

(Q&A) Colleges, Universities, Relationships


Should I commit long term in college/university, or is life to hectic to have a stable relationship?
Brent White (Surrey, BC)


Well Brent, this really depends on you. College/University students should probably be focused and dedicated if they aspire to achieve a higher degree such as a Masters, so if you have high goals but are the type to easily get distracted then it would be best to stay away from relationships until later on. Maintaining a long term relationship in College/University is all about being able to prioritize your life. What is more important, love or education? I will admit, it's true that most love marriages stem from college/university as most of the people have matured with age and have motives different then the ones they did in high school. Instead of just wanting sex, people want to get involved with another person on a level deeper then purely physical relations. Now it really all boils down to a few simple questions, are you ready to commit? How much faith do you have in your relationship? I think you shouldn't commit til later on in college and spend your earlier years just living life. Try to get with girls/guys, party and experience the things you won't be able to when you're in a relationship. A lot of times people rush into commitment without ever experiencing a lot of things in their lives. You should only commit to a person seriously if you know that you've "lived" and will be able to handle college plus the things in a relationship. Think about these things and then make your next step.

**Please note that this is MY opinion on this matter. If you disagree with me feel free to post what you think is right! :)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

(Q&A) When should couples start having sex?


When should a couple start having sex in their relationship? 
- Anonymous (Chicago, Illinois)


Sex is something that's seen with many different perspectives. Some see it as a sacred ritual between lovers, while some have sex for leisure. In a lot of cultures, such as mine, it’s taboo to have sex before marriage, while in other cultures, sex is meaningless and you can just approach women in a bar to get it. Due to all these different factors and views on sex there’s no average time when couples first have sex. It really depends on the people, how they were brought up and their beliefs. If they’re from a religious home chances are that they share the same views so they are less likely to have sex, while if someone was more exposed to the media and had a more active social life, they would be more prone to have sex. If you are both virgins, there’s no such thing as first time driver’s insurance for sex. If you lose your virginity you can’t get it back or repair any damage done. That’s why virgin couples are hesitant in having sex and more likely to wait until marriage. They don't want to lose their virginity and regret it forever.. You have to visualize both ends of the spectrum for sex, there's the good and the bad. I'm no expert but I feel that you should start having sex once you are comfortable in your relationship and are satisfied with your partner. By satisfied I don’t mean satisfaction in bed, I'm talking about happiness and the overall health of your relationship.  You just have to stay protected because AIDs is one of the worst STDs to have, you have to be smart and not let your emotions control your decisions and make sure you're ready. Saying no to sex does not mean you are settling for less in a relationship, it means you are doing what you want and not having your decisions effected by pressure and THAT's what matters most when it comes to sex.

Why yes, yes I am.

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